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The Coveted Collection part 5: Friends

How many of you have ever heard that being friends with women is hard? Ever been on the receiving end of having a homegirl that was just difficult to deal with? Or are you one of the “hard” women that this sentiment is referring to? I can honestly say that I have heard it, been it, experienced it, and have the t-shirt too lol! I don’t quite know when or how it happened, but I didn’t seem to make friends easily with other girls. I’m unsure if it’s because I was dealing with jealousy (even at a very young age) and didn’t want to be friends, or if I was doing something that turned girls off from befriending me, or if they just didn’t like me. I remember many times, especially in middle and high school, when girls that I didn’t even know would say to me directly, or I heard it through the grapevine, that I thought I was better than them. Now, if you don’t know me, if you haven’t ever talked to me, why is it that you think that about me??! Can anyone relate to this? I would look at some of my peers and wonder why they could make friends with such ease and I couldn’t. Allow me to interject here: because I believed that some girls didn’t like me, or perceived that I was unlikeable by females, I often made friends with guys. I always had a guy friend (not necessarily romantic, but just a homie or three lol). It just seemed easier to deal with guys (perhaps for all the wrong reasons, but as I mentioned in the "body image" blog post, that’s a separate blog series). As I reflect back, I’m curious if that’s why some girls didn’t like me? Maybe it was a vicious cycle or catch 22… something to consider for sure. Anyway, back to what I was saying. Don’t get me wrong.. I’ve always had one or two or even six or seven close friends, but it was a tight-knit circle. But even with the comfort of those friendships, I still wondered why the other women weren’t interested in befriending me. I desired and wanted the other girls to like me, talk to me, include me. I acted like I didn’t, like I was indifferent, as if it didn’t matter but it really affected my psyche. Am I just needy, selfish, prideful? Goodness, I need to get over myself, right?! Yet to this day, I continue to battle feelings of insecurity when it comes to friendships with women. God has definitely made it better though. I remember when I first read about showing myself friendly (paraphrased from Prov. 18:24), and making a conscious effort to be the friend that I wanted to have. I don’t always get it right, but I aim to be a better friend than I was in the past.

Be blessed, Dr. S #BeYourBestYou

Disclaimer: This topic is particularly difficult for me to write about. This is still an area that I struggle with almost daily and I almost didn't share because I felt like I had to be in a place where I had completely overcome this challenge before I could discuss it. But I believe in truth in transparency so I had to say it, despite my reservations. Prayerfully confessing it and making it known will assist me in truly tackling this issue. Feel free to comment below if you can relate or have suggestions!

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