If you’ve come along for this whole journey, you know that I’ve shared about the mistake I made in getting married the first time, you read about the one that got away, and you’ve found out that sometimes change comes with soft words and even a hard prophecy. As we finish out this series of blog posts, I want to let you in on a little secret, that sometimes war starts with an unexpected act of kindness, like getting a slice of cheesecake! You’re probably like, what?? But before I get into that, for this part of my story, I must mention a few clichés that people often refer to when they discuss relationships and (hopefully) happy endings. Well you know, "a counterfeit comes before the real thing." Or what about this one: "If you love them, let them go. If they come back, they're for you."? And we’ve all said that "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I’m sure you've heard all of them; and maybe even used them and gave them some credence. But, in my experience, sometimes a cliché, and in particular, these clichés, are just a bunch of words and may not bear a lot of weight or wisdom. Now, I'm not trying to sound cynical or pessimistic, just being honest. So back to war and cheesecake… I know, not two things you would ever typically associate with each other. But for me, as I reflect back, they represent the potential beginning of the end. We ended part 3 with me walking away, hands washed, deal done, moving on. And so I did (for the most part minus a FB message or three here-and-there lol) for nearly a year! Then randomly, out of nowhere, in August 2016, my now-ex brought me my favorite cheesecake for my birthday. A month later, he was back at church, in the front with the microphone, testifying of the goodness of the Lord. He became an active worshipper, making friends with the pastor, doing all the right things, all the things he hadn't been interested in doing a year prior. Honestly, I was still very skeptical and not the least bit interested. But he whoo'ed the masses, and eventually he whoo'ed me. Coupled with what I thought was a sign from God (I could do an entirely different series on that!), I allowed my heart to open and said, “Let’s do this”. All the while, I thought about the previously mentioned clichés. I thought about how God can draw anyone if they WANT to be drawn, right? Maybe it was finally our time, I pondered, and maybe we'd just been a little out of sync the first time around. Maybe this time we'd do it right. Maybe. Welp, we didn't. Why not, you may ask? Because, in my very limited finite narrow opinion, maybe we really should've never gotten together. For multiple reasons, on both our parts, after some serious contentions, I think we realized the gold that we'd hoped represented our marriage was actually plated. That the diamonds that we thought twinkled in our eyes, full of love and adoration, were really cubic zirconia. And all of it, every fight, every unkind word, every "why did I get married", it all left a very ugly green stain on my heart, mind, and spirit. I mean, real talk, I probably would've been better off with a bubble gum ring, if you’re flowing with my analogy! And let me just say, I'm not sharing my story to bash anyone; in fact, that's part of the reason it's taken me so long to publicly acknowledge the fact that I'm divorced, again. So, you may be wondering, why am I telling you this now? Two reasons: 1) I realized that I included you in my journey of dating, engagement, marriage and post marriage, so it only seems fair to share the not so good part as well as the unhappy ending. And 2) because sharing our stories and testimony of triumph brings healing for self and others. I sincerely want to thank you for joining me in this writing process, as well as for your ongoing support and encouragement. I truly appreciate each and every one of you!!
Be blessed, Dr. S
PS! I believe in the benefits of sharing our intimate stories so much that I want to give an opportunity to all ladies to share their stories, so please be on the lookout for a video announcement on April 4 at 4p CST about S.I.S.T.A.H.!