My first marriage was the epitome of what not to do if you're saved and single. While everyone has a different (love) story, and some people actually experience love at first sight, the joy of getting married, and more importantly, staying married after a short whirlwind courtship, that was not the case for me. I met my first ex-husband online (and I'm not saying that's a bad thing so no shade to anyone who's happily married after the online dating scene). I met him right as I was planning my move to a new city, alone, half way across the country from all my family and friends. I met him when I was in a vulnerable space, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. To be honest, y'all, I was only a few steps away from backsliding. I'd already made up my mind that once I moved to a new city, alone, half way across the country from all my family and friends (sound familiar?), that I was going to return to clubbing, drinking, and maybe a few of my other old habits. I mean, no one knew me, so they couldn't have expectations of me, and even better, I couldn't disappoint anyone or be held accountable for not following the "rules". I would be free, or so I thought. And, in anticipation of said "freedom", I started acting out before moving by entertaining this relationship. I saw all the signs, all the bright red flags, in our very first conversation but I choose to ignore them. Instead I made a conscious decision to focus on the fact that he was smart, attractive and funny; he could even be thoughtful when he wanted to be. And most importantly, after only knowing me for a few weeks, he was willing to move to this new city with me so I wouldn't be alone! Now allow me to interject in my own story... During this time, I was an active member of a church, even ordained as an evangelist (!): I was close enough to my then-pastor to talk to her about this relationship and the (unfortunate) direction that it was going in, but I didn't. I didn't want to talk to anyone about my relationship and I did that on purpose because I knew the relationship wasn't a good idea. But I also didn't want to be told the right thing to do. I wanted to be a stubborn goat, rather than a willing sheep. This was my first mistake, and a point that is very important for part 2 of this story. Stay tuned for more next week...
Be blessed, Dr. S